Saturday, June 2, 2012

Took a Break

Hello all, it has been awhile since my last post. I began to get so overwhelmed with the whole "Finding my Roots" journey that I literally had to close up shop for a bit and walk away. I needed to recharge and recommit. I don't know how many other people are out there that have the same messed up family tree like I do, but if you do then you know how frustrating the search can be when you are starting from nothing and building it from scratch.

What boggles my mind is that no one, on either side of my family, kept a family history. I mean, seriously? Maybe it is because I have lived in Utah since I was six and family history is such a HUGE part of the genetic make-up of most Utahns. I am an east coast girl, my home town is Erie, Pennsylvania, and I spent my formative years living in Utah during the winter with my parents and the rest of the year scuttling between Erie (with my Grandparents) and San Francisco (with my Aunt). I loved my San Francisco journeys because I had extended family that lived there and surrounding areas. Every visit we all got together and Fran and Anselm's AMAZEBALLS two story home (they won an architectural award for the renovations they did on the building). A huge dinner was prepared, the conversation flowed, Anselm would play the piano (he wasn't just a highly respected sociologist but also an accomplished classical pianist) and laughter rung out in the air. Our family tapestry on my Grandmother's side of the family was so loving and supportive. It never entered my mind that no one in the room had any information about our Goldman roots. How did a family with such close ties and bonds have no information about the Matriarch and Patriarch that created all of them?

On my paternal side, the same thing. My Grandfather took off on the family and I can understand the lack of information because of that but in speaking with my biological father's cousins I discovered that they have as little information as I have. Their mother, my Grandfather's sister, had little to no information also. There is the family lore that we are Native American, although I can't prove that nor can I figure out which line (Great Grandfather or Great Grandmother) it comes from. I feel at times that there is something in the Universe that is literally preventing me from finding any information. At times I wish I had Henry Gates on speed dial so I could call him and beg him for his help. I mean, have you seen how much it costs to hire a professional genealogist to do the research for you? On the cost STARTS at $1900.00, seriously, who has that kind of money lying around?

I will get through this, I will discover the hidden secrets and find that line we all descend from. I will find out whether my Grandmother's father had another family in Europe and that that is the reason he went back and forth to Hungary and not because he sold European pocket books to American women. I WILL succeed but I cannot promise that I won't throw my hands up in the air and have a temper tantrum that would rival the most misbehaved 3 year old. So here is to all you Family Tree Hunters, may we discover the amazing, mourn the tradgedies and honor all of those that came before us.


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